


Like (Broken) Glass

by nightchandac



Series: Amatus, pls [9]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Make Up, Suicide mention, eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightchandac/pseuds/nightchandac
Summary: Nicos chafes under the constant watch of everyone around him. Being Inquisitor means no privacy. It starts to eat at him and he finally manages to sneak away unnoticed, but that only causes everyone to worry, especially Dorian.Dorian wants to protect this man he loves, but has he stepped too far? Has he finally ruined this, too?





	1. Which to Bury:

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if the formatting is weird; I'm posting from my phone. 
> 
> Cross-posted from tumblr. (@pathfindersbutt)

They had been searching all night. Nicos was nowhere to be found. Dorian had finally decided to check down near the soldiers camped by the lake, just in case they had heard something. Instead, he’d found the Inquisitor himself, sitting near the water’s edge. He approached carefully, announcing his presence with a cough. “Amatus what are you doing out here?”

  
No answer.

  
“Nicos?”

  
“I heard you.” He still did not turn around.

  
“You didn’t tell anyone where you were going.” Dorian walked closer, still moving slowly.

  
“I am twenty-fucking-three years old. I don’t need to be babysat.” Nicos replied bitterly.

  
“You’re also the Inquisitor. A man who has a target on his back the size of Thedas itself.” Dorian replied, taking it in stride.

  
Nicos shrugged. “So? If no one knows I’m here they can’t find me, can they?”

  
Dorian stopped at his side, crouching next to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. “Nicos…amatus, you know why you have to tell people–”

  
“No one trusts me. Everyone babies me. I’m an adult, all right? I can take care of myself.” Nicos pulled away from Dorian’s touch, biting his bottom lip.

  
Dorian let his hand fall away, frowning a little. “I know. I know you can. You must understand why we worry though….Especially when you’re like this…”

  
Nicos turned away but Dorian could see how the comment had hurt him. “I’m not gonna fucking drown myself. Didn’t work out so great the first time.”

  
“Don’t…don’t say that. Please come back with me. We’ll get you warmed up–maybe even get some hot chocolate for you, if you want. You can’t possibly be more comfortable down here in the snow…”

  
“Leave me alone. I’ll come back later…I just want to be alone right now.”

  
Dorian eyed him carefully.

  
“I promise I’ll come back tonight, all right? Just…I need to be alone for a while.”

  
Dorian nodded and stood reluctantly. “All right, amatus. I…I love you. You know that, right?”

  
“I love you too, erastís.” Nicos flashed a small smile as Dorian walked away, though it didn’t reach his eyes.


	2. Us?

Dorian heard dragging footsteps coming up the stairs after the door closed, knowing Nicos had tried his hardest to make the heavy thing latch as quietly as possible in case Dorian was sleeping. Of course he wasn’t. He was worried and had only stopped pacing incessantly a few minutes before Nicos had made his way to his quarters.

  
Nicos said nothing when he reached the top of the stairs, when he changed into his sleep clothes, when he fell into bed beside Dorian…

  
“Are you all right?” Dorian asked quietly, taking note of the way the man curled up as far away from him as he could, nearly falling off the bed.

  
“Fine.” Nicos pulled the covers up to his chin and somehow curled up even more.

  
“You don’t seem fine. Please–”

  
“Go to sleep, Dorian,” Nicos said, using his ‘Inquisitor Voice’.

  
“…Good night, amatus…” Dorian replied quietly, trying to ignore the way his heart was twisting in his chest.

 

* * *

  
Dorian groaned as the sun shined through a gap in the curtains and he instinctively reached out to hold Nicos close to him, but he was met with empty space. That was odd. It was too early for Nicos to be awake. He usually liked to spend every second he could in his bed, staying until Josephine sent a runner up to make sure he made it to his meetings on time. Dorian sat up and looked around the room but there was no sign of Nicos.  
Perhaps it was later than he thought and he’d managed to sleep straight through breakfast? He had been very tired… He tried not to worry too much as he got dressed and ready for the day alone.

When he came down to the throne room, he noticed it was actually just barely early enough for breakfast and only Cassandra and Cullen were seated at the inner circle’s usual table. Cullen’s presence suggested there was no emergency early morning war meeting… Dorian pouted briefly before plastering his usual suave smile on his face and greeting the two of them as if nothing was bothering him. Nicos would turn up. He always did.

  
It was mid afternoon now and Dorian would be lying if he said he hadn’t been growing more and more impatient for any glimpse of his amatus… He knew the man was around, had briefly heard his voice echo up from the throne room where a door had been left open, but usually by now he’d have stopped by once or twice or several times…

  
Naturally, Dorian’s mind was racing with thoughts of why Nicos was avoiding him. Perhaps Dorian had gotten too comfortable. He’d let his guard down, let his heart get too attached, and now Nicos had finally decided their fun had ended…

* * *

  
It was finally time to turn in for the night as Dorian found he could barely keep his head up anymore and as much as he wanted to put off whatever was held in store for when he saw Nicos, he knew he needed to face the music sooner or later.

  
When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Nicos focused intently on a stack of reports in front of him. He did not look up or acknowledge Dorian’s arrival at all and Dorian felt a familiar and very unwelcome tightness in his chest.

  
He flopped casually onto the couch, hopefully managing to mask his anxiety. “So…how was your day, amatus?” He asked, unsure of what else to say.

  
“Fine. Busy. You?” Nicos flipped to the next report in the stack.

  
“Oh, you know. So much research, so little time…” The whole atmosphere of the room felt awkward and Dorian found himself at a loss for words. He didn’t know what was wrong and he had no idea how to begin to fix it… “Will you be turning in any time soon?”

  
Nicos didn’t reply and Dorian decided he was done with the cold shoulder act.

  
“Am–Nicos, what’s wrong?” He straightened on the couch, hoping the action would let Nicos know he wanted to talk this out, have an actual conversation. When the man still did not reply, Dorian clenched his jaw and marched over to him, looming before him with arms crossed over his chest. “Dammit, Nicos! Talk to me! Look at me!”

  
Nicos closed his eyes and sighed and Dorian was surprised at his apparent calm. Normally Nicos did not show restraint in stressful situations and Dorian regretted shouting at him but seeing him just sit there threw him off.

  
“Please.” Dorian added quietly.

  
Nicos stood and faced him and the scowl on his face would have been amusing in any other circumstances. His face was too soft to look angry…no, no, he couldn’t think about his face right now. Nicos was angry. With him.

  
“You don’t trust me.” Nicos’s voice was even and matter-of-fact.

  
Dorian blinked in surprise. “What? Of course I do. I trust you with my life.”

  
“But you don’t trust me with my own life, apparently.” It was clear Nicos had been thinking about this all day.

  
“I…don’t understand.”

  
“I know you had me watched. After you left last night. You had someone keep an eye on me.” Nicos looked at him like he was just waiting for him to deny it.

  
“No, it–”

  
“Don’t lie to me, you ass. I fucking saw you. And I know when I’m being watched. That guard wasn’t good at being subtle. I promised you I would be back. I fucking promised. You know what that means. And still you didn’t trust me…” Nicos’s resolve was beginning to waver and Dorian felt guilt swell within him.

  
“I was worried about you. I just…wanted to make sure you were safe…”

  
“Dammit, Dorian. After everything I said–about not needing to be babysat. You–you went and did that exact thing! I just needed some space.” His voice cracked and he looked away quickly, trying to hide a grimace.

  
Dorian tried to speak but nothing came out. What could he even say? Nicos had seemed out-of-sorts–strangely distant and quiet–and he was concerned. He had only wanted to make sure Nicos was safe. “I’m sorry. I…don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust.”  
Nicos bit his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and, still looking away, spoke through tears. “I think you should go.”

  
Dorian felt his breath leave him and he stood in shock for a moment, feeling his heart break. “Right.” He wanted to square his shoulders and hold his head high as he left, but he could barely manage to lift his feet as he dragged himself away, head hanging in defeat and eyes stinging with tears.

  
He found himself at his old room, dresser still cluttered with things he hadn’t found the need to move into Nicos’s room… Luckily the trunk tucked in the corner still had a decent stash of alcohol and he could drown his sorrows in solitude.

**Author's Note:**

> A little context, because I haven't gotten that far in my other fic, Growing Up Trevelyan:   
> Nicos struggles with severe depression, and has tried to kill himself a couple times. He also self-harms. His sister has informed his inner circle of certain warning signs to watch for (isolating himself, agitation, not talking as much, etc) and some rules were set in place for his own safety. He's not allowed to drink as alcohol makes him very depressed, he needs to tell people where he's going (both because of the above and because he's Inquisitor), and he's not to go by the water by himself. 
> 
>  
> 
> *erastís: lover, beloved


End file.
